Healing By Death

Part of healing includes our acceptance that things, some of which we hold dear, need to be destroyed… especially if these things would either impede or hold us back from moving forward.

So far, what I find the hardest thing to destroy is love: because everytime I try to sever my love for others, I tend to leave a scratch in my self-love as well. And the more I try to rip it off, the more injuries I inflict to myself. With this I realized that I don’t necessarily have to destroy “love”. Instead, what I need to destroy are the emotions that weaken me when I love… the emotions that cloud my focus when I love. Cause contrary to what most people think… Love does not make fools out of us… it’s those negative emotions that we lose control of that make us daft.

Love, like fragile gems, is so pristine and precious… that once our hearts experience it, our hearts refrain to let it go. But soon I realized, that more than letting go, what our hearts need to accept is death... death of feelings… because only through death that will one be reborn. Death is crucial for rebirth to take place.

Death does not necessarily mean our ultimate demise but merely a momentary sojourn in our lives. And just like our physical bodies… our souls suffer prior to their “death”... sufferings comprised of our agonies and grievances… our frustrations and regrets… our doubts and insecurities… our fears… all brought upon by our pride and mistakes.

Healing begins with the death of pride to pave way to the birth of humility. We need to accept the fact that we are not gods, and are destined to commit mistakes as we stubbornly formulate our human decisions… decisions that kill and hasten the deaths of our souls. Mistakes will forever be left not rectified should they remain to be unrecognized. Embracing the reality that we err entitles our soul to the precious gift of second lives.

Time and circumstances taught me how to suffer in silence. I have come to realize that our eyes need not reveal all the tears that our hearts shed. Learning it wasn’t a walk in the clouds, but soon enough I realized that yes, it can be done. It called the need of embracing the pains inflicted by intangible wounds... wounds that I, myself, have caused. And soon enough, I realized that it wasn’t time that healed my wounds… but rather, self-forgiveness. Time merely made the wounds turn into scars, but it was forgiveness that healed them.

I have come to realize that healing is a spiritual process weaved by the threads of "births" and "deaths": a vicious cycle that will never end... and as long as we live... there would be a need for us to be healed...