When The Anxiety Reverses

"Nanay ka nga" Era said as I told her what happened during Andy's class yesterday.

Andy moved up in his Gymboree class. From Level 6, he's now attending Science Fun. Unlike his previous classes, parent participation is only during the first half of the class (or probably even less). The second part of the class is held in a mini-room. Adults stay outside.

At first I worried that he might cry and look for me. After all, it's his first time to attend the class. You see, for the past few months, he attends his previous class with me and Raisha around... yes, it's a family affair. But this time it's different.

I tried to look for signs of separation anxiety. Would he cry? Would he act up? The moment the teacher closed the door, I wondered whether he would check if we would go inside with him. But no, he handled it well, and even managed to consume a couple of slices of orange.

Flashbacks suddenly rushed in my mind... my first ultrasound... those moments when i felt him kick while he was still in my tummy... the way his lips used to shiver whenever he cries... the first time i heard him say, "I love you mommy" and "You're beautiful mommy."... Then it came to my realization that the 5 lbs. infant is now a 3 year old toddler who manage to captivate hearts with his wit and naughtiness.

Three years have passed and a lot of things have changed. But amidst everything, just seeing my kids enjoying each other's company is enough for me to realize how blessed I really am. With that I remembered what my mother would used to tell me, "For every milestone that a child achieves, it's the mother who feels most victorious."

And yes, what they say is true. On first days, if the child doesn't cry, it's the mother who does.

As I Killed Time...

I did my usual rounds of reflecting and contemplating...

this time...

about "time"...



Time is an inevitable force that religiously observes a constant speed... neither can it be delayed nor be stopped... time will never wait for us.

You may be able to pause a timer but you can never actually freeze time.

There's a fifty percent possibility that we're wasting someone else's time each time we're late or when we make somebody wait.

Time is so precious, that once wasted, all else may lose their worth

Love Pensieve

When I've got nothing to do or whenever I feel sentimental, I grab my phone , open the notes application and jot down my thoughts... soon enough, I came to realize that I've already created more than a dozen quotes about love...

Love is an alchemist that transforms ordinary things into something precious.

Infatuation is not love, but a temporary state that feeds our emptiness with mere velleity and sweet nothings. Unlike love, it doesn't nurture; hence, it seizes to grow.

Love appreciates simple things. It doesn't demand for something more.

Love is never haunted nor thwarted by the past. it merely reflects on the lessons of yesterday so as not to commit the same mistakes in the future.

Ten thousand people may break your heart, but only you can hold yourself back from loving again.

To convince yourself not to be in love just makes you more vulnerable. The hunger grows stronger when love is repressed.

What is to fear about love? No one fears love per se; what they fear is getting hurt. And as long as they can't overcome that fear, they can never be in love.

Doubts that cloud our minds transform into fear the moment they travel into our hearts. If our hearts are filled with fear, then there is no space for love. Hence, we could only be truly in love the moment we let go of our doubts.

What is "I Love You." compared to "I'm In Love With You."?

Love at its purest form may be altruistic, but it still has a sense of self.

Love may be a noun, but it's much better as a verb.

The person that you can't get off your mind is the same person that your heart wants to be with.

On Risk, Failures and Moving On...

There's no one to talk with but my pen and paper...

I guess this calls for a night of contemplation...

So while enjoying a cup of my favorite brewed Yuban Columbian coffee, I browsed through my playlist and selected some Bossa Nova songs. Soon enough, I found myself jotting down my thoughts.

Scribble scribble... scribble scribble... pouring my insights through the ink of my pen... filling the page with my sentiments... I scribbled the night away.

Et voila! A compilation of my insights...

on taking risks...
on moving on...
... and the failure of some to do so.

--------------------------------------

"To think twice before making a single step is wisdom. However, to think but not move at all is foolishness. Why waste your efforts brainstorming on a plan that would never be executed in the first place?"

"It's true that we need to be cautious in taking risks, but fear shouldn't impede us from doing so. Failure to take risks is a risk itself. and more often than not, this leads to another failure: failure to make a move."

"You'll never accomplish anything if you keep on ending what hasn't even begun."

"Some people remain trapped in the dark because they keep on putting off the spark... with that being done, how are they going to see the light?"

"Pessimists are trapped in their past... Optimists may become too eager about the future... can somebody remind these people that more than anything else, what they should deal about is the present?"

"How will you know what will happen in the future if you're still preoccupied thinking about what happened in the past?"

"If you take a risk but fail in the end... just move on."

The Right Way Out

A day of partial R&R at home made me realize that sometimes, the quickest way out of things is actually to slow down so you could think things over...

True enough, urgent thrills call for spontaneity; but some decisions just really demand religious planning...

Rushing things compel us to make hasty decisions. And in doing so, we may find ourselves exhausted and trapped in a loop of trials-and-errors. Rushing things may lead us to a maze that would further thwart us from thinking straight.

Shaken by cruel deadlines and ultimatums... binded by stringent timelines... pressured by persistent people... we just exhale "come-what-may" conclusions and merely rely on sheer luck to bless us with favorable outcomes. But really... how sound are these decisions?

Our confidence in our actions depends on our confidence in our decisions. Each time we rush things, we jeopardize our chances to get out of that paranoid "did-I-make-the-right-decision" state.

So slow down... pull over if you have to... clear your minds... and allow the thoughts to flow freely in your mind... soon, you'll find the right way out.

My Birthday Contemplations

1. Cherish the company of every people I meet.

2. Rejoice every time I make an accomplishment... some may seem minute and simple, but they are still accomplishments.

3. Embrace past mistakes not as failures but lessons to be learned.

4. To enjoy life, I need to celebrate living.

5. In making decisions, I really don't have to worry about what other people may think or say, but I should definitely care about what they may feel.

6. Smile... and mean it.

7. I am and will always be loved.

8. Every shortcoming surpassed is a milestone to be proud of.

9. People may come and go but as long as you made a difference in their lives, you will always be remembered.

Today, not only did I become a year older, but I also became a few pounds heavier... . But nevertheless, I'm happy because I know I'm blessed with a set of loving family and friends. And whatever wisdom I gained throughout these years, it's all because of them.

Vox Sui Juris - 3TO08ATO001

We are the authors of our love stories
and we can definitely make fairytales out of them.

Out of This World

You Are From Saturn

You're steady, organizes, and determined to achieve your dreams. You tend to play it conservative, going by the rules (at least the practical ones). You'll likely reach the top. And when you do, you'll be honorable and responsible. Focus on happiness. Don't let your goals distract you from fun! Don't be too set in your ways, and you'll be more of a success than you ever dreamed of.

What Planet Are You From?

Ignition

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame. You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out. You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable. You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go. Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive. Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's Your Element?

Dreamer by Nature

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Vox Sui Juris - 2WJL08ATO004

Even before we learned how to speak, our sense of hearing has already developed.

Unfortunately,

Not everyone learned how to listen.

Vox Sui Juris - 2WJL08ATO003

In this world, nobody's perfect...

... just a lot of people pretending to be one.

Vox Sui Juris - 2WJL08ATO002

A mute can speak through hands...

A deaf can listen through the eyes...

Communication is always possible.

Proverbs 28:23

"In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery."

Your Value As You

I just came to realize that I have three seminarian friends: Lynil, Brian and Michael. And aside from them, I also have some one-on-one talks with my mother's spiritual adviser, Bro. Boy.

As a result, I may not be that religious in hearing mass before, but through their insights, I saw wisdom amidst the trials that come my way. And as I see more depression-related-entries being posted, allow me to share with you the insights that my friends shared with me.

"Religiosity is different from spirituality." More often than not, a lot of people think that hearing mass already suffices for one's spirituality to blossom. Spirituality is not only about having a closer relation with our God. It also entails the growth of our wisdom and willpower... hence the need for reflection: something that most of us fail to do.

A lot of us may think that the solution to some of our concerns are found in alcohol and carefree lifestyle, not realizing that they just temporarily mask the sad reality. Occupying your minds with other thoughts is not a solution as well. Doing so just delays you from coming up with a sound resolution.

Did you ever find yourself being thanked by your friends for being able to give them good advises? A lot of us would say yes. With that, given that you can share good insights to your friends, then it only shows that you're capable of knowing the right thing to do... of doing the best thing that can be done to get out of the mess. Then by all means, do it.

If you want a problem to end, the best thing to do is not to get out of the situation, just because you don't have control. Accepting the fact that you have no control makes you helpless. Make an effort to take control. In the end you may even realize that they are not problems to begin with.

Weaknesses may tempt us to surrender. But if you know for a fact that your value as a person is so precious that no money can ever equal, then by this time, you should realize that you are not worth to be defeated by weaknesses.

Vox Sui Juris - 1MJ08ATO002

Promises broken by human will be fulfilled through poetic justice.

One may turn his/her back from moral obligations, but guilt and conscience would haunt the dreams... and turn them nightmares.

Vox Sui Juris - 1MJ08ATO001

One may go on rationalizing all things, but the heart holds enough power to rule over logic.

Even the most intelligent thoughts and soundest justifications can be weakened by emotions.

Vox Sui Juris - 1SM08ANOS002

Just as ethical
as saying "Thank You",
Always remember
to say, "You're Welcome."

Vox Sui Juris - 1SM08ANOS001

Be flattered when people are jealous of you...

It means that that they recognize the fact that there is something about you that they don't have.

They are annoyed with your presence, knowing that you might "overshadow" them.