PS. I Love You (A Letter For My Children)

My children, when you tell me that I don’t understand you… I actually understand. I’ve been a child myself once so I know how you feel. At your age, it is you who may not completely understand me. But don’t worry, time will come you will understand life the way I understood it.


Your education is probably the most expensive legacy that I could provide. Finish it no matter what. I may not be able to give you cars, but through your education, you’ll be able to find work and in time get a car of your own. I may not be able to give you your own house, or your own condo unit… but I’ll try to teach you how to make a home.

I’m sorry if every once in a while I get upset. I’m sorry if some of my words make you cry. Without you knowing, it breaks my heart when I hurt your feelings. But my children, sometimes, I have to hurt your feelings and make you strong than let you suffer in the end and get hurt by your own mistakes.

When I worry about you, it’s not because I don’t trust you. Trust me:, I trust you so much. It’s just that I care for you so much. Remember how you freaked out when I almost threw your stick drawings because you treasured them so much? You told me that they were your masterpiece… my children, you are my masterpiece.

As you grow up, do not stop dreaming. Continue aspiring. I will always be there to support you. Feel free to share them to me so we can dream and plan together.

Do not be too hard on yourself when you fail. Don’t give up. If you need help, always remember I’m at your side. I may not know everything, but I’m willing to learn them so that I could help you. If I’m not capable of learning it, I will cheer you until the end. I will cheer you and scream the loudest when you win. If at some point you still lose, I will still be your number one fan.

Some people may do you wrong. Even before they ask for an apology, learn to forgive them already. As long as you don’t, you will walk this earth with a heavy heart. As long as you don’t forgive, you’ll never find peace. And it will be hard for you to trust: to trust others and even to trust yourself. Learn to forgive so that you could move on and start anew.

Treat your friends like they’re your brothers and sisters. Feel free to introduce them to me. Let’s make our home their second home. I’ll even cook for them on weekends when they visit. I’ll be like a mom to them. We can even have a movie night at home during some weekends.

No matter how much you work for all things, learn to accept that you don’t get everything that you want. But time will come you’ll realize it’s for your own sake. In God’s time, He will enlighten you with the reason. Granted that you don’t get everything you want, that’s because God has better plans for you.

Finally, at the right time, fall in love, my children. Inspire and be inspired. After all, love, aside from life itself, is the best gift bestowed upon us. Treasure this gift. Cherish the bliss that this experience imparts. Always remember to love with all your heart. I know that doing so will put you to the risk of heartbreak. But that’s the true form of loving. And when that time comes when someone makes you cry, I’ll be there by your side and cry with you. I’ll cry with you until you find that someone who will also love you with all their heart. Believe me, my children; there is someone out there who will love you wholeheartedly. I loved with all my heart, and you, my children, are the fruits.

Hahahaha! It's funny how I say these things now in a different perspective. T'was just like yesterday, I was whining about the same things to your grandparents.

My children, as a person, I still have a lot to learn. I’m sorry if my shortcomings have affected how I raised you one way or another… for the meantime, please accept my unconditional love to make up for it.

Journey

What is the ideal way of journeying this life...

Occasionally, you may look back at your past, but don't step backwards... all your steps, amidst every stops and pauses, should lead to one direction... forward.

Roads and Journeys

We all dream of flawless roads, that we lose our composure when faced with unpaved terrains. Each path that we take… they have their own uniqueness: their own flaws and their own advantages. But they are mere roads… it is still we, who should control ourselves. Whoever said that we should allow dead-ends to be our final destination? We can always turn around, find our way back to where we started, and choose another road.

At one point in our lives, temptation lures us to surrender. But why give up, when you know you deserve something better? Every failure in our journey may etch scars… but they don’t kill us. Our decision not to push through: that’s what murders our souls... and alas, it is we who inflict this fate to ourselves.

We may dream of cobbled-stone streets with trees weaving their branches into arches… we may dream of floral carpeted prairies, complete with butterflies fluttering around. Indee, some roads may be pallor, dull and barren… but no one stops from planting seeds so flowers may soon bloom. It is always up to us.

Break free from the chains of fear, doubt and apprehensions… cause they slow you down. It is high time that we open our eyes, so that we may see that hope is patiently waiting in the end of the road. Letting go gives our soul the freedom and the chance to move on, so that we can soar the horizons where better opportunities dwell.

Life is a journey… let’s make it worthwhile… for our own sake.

Motherhood and Pain

For every bleeding wound that a child inflicts, a mother's heart weep in pain. For every tear that a child sheds, a mother's heart slowly breaks. Mothers always feel the pain that their children suffer from... they just don't show it knowing that they need to be strong... cause a mother's strength is a child's salvation.

Healing By Death

Part of healing includes our acceptance that things, some of which we hold dear, need to be destroyed… especially if these things would either impede or hold us back from moving forward.

So far, what I find the hardest thing to destroy is love: because everytime I try to sever my love for others, I tend to leave a scratch in my self-love as well. And the more I try to rip it off, the more injuries I inflict to myself. With this I realized that I don’t necessarily have to destroy “love”. Instead, what I need to destroy are the emotions that weaken me when I love… the emotions that cloud my focus when I love. Cause contrary to what most people think… Love does not make fools out of us… it’s those negative emotions that we lose control of that make us daft.

Love, like fragile gems, is so pristine and precious… that once our hearts experience it, our hearts refrain to let it go. But soon I realized, that more than letting go, what our hearts need to accept is death... death of feelings… because only through death that will one be reborn. Death is crucial for rebirth to take place.

Death does not necessarily mean our ultimate demise but merely a momentary sojourn in our lives. And just like our physical bodies… our souls suffer prior to their “death”... sufferings comprised of our agonies and grievances… our frustrations and regrets… our doubts and insecurities… our fears… all brought upon by our pride and mistakes.

Healing begins with the death of pride to pave way to the birth of humility. We need to accept the fact that we are not gods, and are destined to commit mistakes as we stubbornly formulate our human decisions… decisions that kill and hasten the deaths of our souls. Mistakes will forever be left not rectified should they remain to be unrecognized. Embracing the reality that we err entitles our soul to the precious gift of second lives.

Time and circumstances taught me how to suffer in silence. I have come to realize that our eyes need not reveal all the tears that our hearts shed. Learning it wasn’t a walk in the clouds, but soon enough I realized that yes, it can be done. It called the need of embracing the pains inflicted by intangible wounds... wounds that I, myself, have caused. And soon enough, I realized that it wasn’t time that healed my wounds… but rather, self-forgiveness. Time merely made the wounds turn into scars, but it was forgiveness that healed them.

I have come to realize that healing is a spiritual process weaved by the threads of "births" and "deaths": a vicious cycle that will never end... and as long as we live... there would be a need for us to be healed...

Sparing Chance From The Murder Of Fear

Fear, I daresay, is the nemesis of Chance.

Each time we nurse our fears and apprehensions, we deprive ourselves that chance to grow… that chance to succeed… that chance to love… Fears trap us in these invisible boundaries; it lures us to set unreasonable limitations to ourselves.

How many times do you find yourself hesitant to immerse in a circle just because of your fear of rejection?
How many times do you find yourself thwarted to aim the peak just because of your fear of failure?
How many times do you find yourself meticulously measuring all your moves to meet social standards and expectations just because of your fear that your difference will be ridiculed?
How many times do you find yourselves complacently embracing the certainties that present brings just because of the fear that the ambiguity of the future creates?
How many times do you find yourself surrendering the bond that love creates just because of your fear of getting hurt or hurting someone else?

We are all confined in a chamber filled with qualms and worries: suffocated by our own doubts and reservations. And before we know it, that chamber is already full of negativities that we begin to drown in our own paranoia.

Pre-empted with fear, we dare not move and merely rely on someone else to guide us out of hell. Alas, most people think this way… hence the reason why no one is saved. Oftentimes, we are merely followers waiting for a leader to initiate that first step. In silence, we pray that somebody else will assume that messianic role. But the question is, why wait for someone else?

Fear usually begins when we lose faith in ourselves. It is the darkness that blinds us from seeing our true capabilities. It is the wall that hinders us from realizing the better chances and opportunities that we could give to ourselves.

Doors of endless opportunities will forever remain shut unless we reach out and open these doors. Without us knowing, the key lies deep inside our hearts. And to open this, we need to surpass all our fears: our fear of rejection… our fear of failure… our fear of uncertainties…

Indeed, our future is comprised of a lot of unknowns, but we have the choice to face it with fear… or with confidence and hope. Fear encourages us to remain stagnant in where we stand, while hope inspires us to move forward and grow and give ourselves that very chance that could change our lives.

Give yourself the chance to be welcomed by surpassing your fear of rejection…
Give yourself the chance to succeed by surpassing your fear of failure…
Give yourself that chance to stand out by surpassing your fear of ridicule…
Give yourself that chance to love and be loved by surpassing that fear of pain…
Give yourself the chances that fear has deprived you of.

Changing Zones

Our lives will only change the moment we change our habits; success is usually found outside comfort zones...

How...

How can you say that you love someone so much, when that love is shared with somebody else...

Downside Of Technology...

Our minds are more than capable of digging deeper and unraveling complex ideas... we just prefer to settle with the shallow answers that technology feeds.

In Relationships

.. it's better to bring out the best in one another, instead of nitpicking each other's flaws...

Time and Healing

Time, they say, heals all wounds... but nevertheless, wounds may leave permanent scars, that not even time can remove.

When The Anxiety Reverses

"Nanay ka nga" Era said as I told her what happened during Andy's class yesterday.

Andy moved up in his Gymboree class. From Level 6, he's now attending Science Fun. Unlike his previous classes, parent participation is only during the first half of the class (or probably even less). The second part of the class is held in a mini-room. Adults stay outside.

At first I worried that he might cry and look for me. After all, it's his first time to attend the class. You see, for the past few months, he attends his previous class with me and Raisha around... yes, it's a family affair. But this time it's different.

I tried to look for signs of separation anxiety. Would he cry? Would he act up? The moment the teacher closed the door, I wondered whether he would check if we would go inside with him. But no, he handled it well, and even managed to consume a couple of slices of orange.

Flashbacks suddenly rushed in my mind... my first ultrasound... those moments when i felt him kick while he was still in my tummy... the way his lips used to shiver whenever he cries... the first time i heard him say, "I love you mommy" and "You're beautiful mommy."... Then it came to my realization that the 5 lbs. infant is now a 3 year old toddler who manage to captivate hearts with his wit and naughtiness.

Three years have passed and a lot of things have changed. But amidst everything, just seeing my kids enjoying each other's company is enough for me to realize how blessed I really am. With that I remembered what my mother would used to tell me, "For every milestone that a child achieves, it's the mother who feels most victorious."

And yes, what they say is true. On first days, if the child doesn't cry, it's the mother who does.

As I Killed Time...

I did my usual rounds of reflecting and contemplating...

this time...

about "time"...



Time is an inevitable force that religiously observes a constant speed... neither can it be delayed nor be stopped... time will never wait for us.

You may be able to pause a timer but you can never actually freeze time.

There's a fifty percent possibility that we're wasting someone else's time each time we're late or when we make somebody wait.

Time is so precious, that once wasted, all else may lose their worth

Love Pensieve

When I've got nothing to do or whenever I feel sentimental, I grab my phone , open the notes application and jot down my thoughts... soon enough, I came to realize that I've already created more than a dozen quotes about love...

Love is an alchemist that transforms ordinary things into something precious.

Infatuation is not love, but a temporary state that feeds our emptiness with mere velleity and sweet nothings. Unlike love, it doesn't nurture; hence, it seizes to grow.

Love appreciates simple things. It doesn't demand for something more.

Love is never haunted nor thwarted by the past. it merely reflects on the lessons of yesterday so as not to commit the same mistakes in the future.

Ten thousand people may break your heart, but only you can hold yourself back from loving again.

To convince yourself not to be in love just makes you more vulnerable. The hunger grows stronger when love is repressed.

What is to fear about love? No one fears love per se; what they fear is getting hurt. And as long as they can't overcome that fear, they can never be in love.

Doubts that cloud our minds transform into fear the moment they travel into our hearts. If our hearts are filled with fear, then there is no space for love. Hence, we could only be truly in love the moment we let go of our doubts.

What is "I Love You." compared to "I'm In Love With You."?

Love at its purest form may be altruistic, but it still has a sense of self.

Love may be a noun, but it's much better as a verb.

The person that you can't get off your mind is the same person that your heart wants to be with.

On Risk, Failures and Moving On...

There's no one to talk with but my pen and paper...

I guess this calls for a night of contemplation...

So while enjoying a cup of my favorite brewed Yuban Columbian coffee, I browsed through my playlist and selected some Bossa Nova songs. Soon enough, I found myself jotting down my thoughts.

Scribble scribble... scribble scribble... pouring my insights through the ink of my pen... filling the page with my sentiments... I scribbled the night away.

Et voila! A compilation of my insights...

on taking risks...
on moving on...
... and the failure of some to do so.

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"To think twice before making a single step is wisdom. However, to think but not move at all is foolishness. Why waste your efforts brainstorming on a plan that would never be executed in the first place?"

"It's true that we need to be cautious in taking risks, but fear shouldn't impede us from doing so. Failure to take risks is a risk itself. and more often than not, this leads to another failure: failure to make a move."

"You'll never accomplish anything if you keep on ending what hasn't even begun."

"Some people remain trapped in the dark because they keep on putting off the spark... with that being done, how are they going to see the light?"

"Pessimists are trapped in their past... Optimists may become too eager about the future... can somebody remind these people that more than anything else, what they should deal about is the present?"

"How will you know what will happen in the future if you're still preoccupied thinking about what happened in the past?"

"If you take a risk but fail in the end... just move on."