Weaving Insights from Pensieve Strands

Why Moving On Sometimes Hurt

2011-12-07T06:00:00.001-08:00

Moving on is not something thatcan be done overnight. It’s a phase thatstarts with a choice: a decision to doso. For some people, it takes a shortertime, for some it takes a longer period.

Usually, the most heartbreakingsight is seeing the other person move on sooner than you. This is because even if youstill want to fight and do everything to make the relationship work… againstyour will, you were compelled to give up.

The reason why seeing someone move on hurts so bad is usually because of two things:

(1) It makes one feel that he or she was left behind

(2) It makes one question his/her worth, because the other one opted to give up, instead of doing everything to make a relationship work.

So for those of you who are on the brink of "letting go" and "moving on", if the other person is not really important for you, I'm not going to stop you. Go ahead. Let go and move on. I would even suggest you do it now. But if the person means so much to you, think twice, thrice, four times... reflect on it everyday. Especially if the other person is doing everything to make the relationship work.

And oh, by the way, in doing any of what I suggested, have a heart to heart talk with the person first: a heart to heart talk that is completely absent of any pretensions. Say what you really felt and currently feeling. Share your fears and yes... reveal your vulnerability (after all, you've shown your "strong" side probably for a long time already)

And yes of course, pray.

Why Fear?

2011-11-20T09:19:00.001-08:00

Do not let the fear of pain or failure consume you. Have faith in yourself and believe that God is always guiding you. Do not fear. In those moments when you feel that you're losing your sense of direction, rest assured that God will shepherd you back.

51 Facts about Girls

2011-11-14T10:47:00.001-08:00

A lot of my friends, especially the guys, say that girls are hard to comprehend. But come to think of it, girls and guys think and feel almost the same way. I did a quick test by making a response to the 51 Fact About Guys that flooded my newsfeed about two weeks ago (occasionally, it still pops in my feed).

It only took me about less than an hour, cause for almost all of the items, I just had to do the Find and Replace. Well yes, granted that guys and girls are not exactly the same (I did some revisions in about three or five statements), but for the majority, it was mere find and replace.

For reference, the list of 51 Facts About Guys, check this out: -http://www.likeyou.me/index.php/living/51-facts-about-guys/834/

1. Girls hate bastards and playboys.

2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases girls open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3. Girls may be talking to other guys all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the guy they truly care about.

4. Before they call, girls try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once she's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as she goes.

5. Girls go crazy over a guy's smile.

6. Girls will do anything just to get you to notice her.

7. Girls hate it when you talk about your ex-girlfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-him-complain-to-you-and-then-have-him-realize- how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

8. A girl who likes you wants to be the only girl you talk to.

9. Girlfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

10. Don't talk about your girl friends to your girlfriend.

11. Girls get jealous easily. Well guys already know this.

12. Girls are much much more emotional than they'd like people to think.

13. Giving a girl a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make her jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And she'll assume she did something wrong and she'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

14. Girls are sweet flatterers but they are usually speechless when they talk to a guy they really like.

15. Girls also save money to buy presents for the guy they like. They don’t mind spending more than their shopping allowance
16. Guys are girls' weaknesses.

17. Girls are very open about themselves.

18. It's good to test a girl first before you trust her. But don't let her wait too long. She’s just waiting for your move.

19. Your best friend, whom your girlfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may will never be admired by your girlfriend. They would just become close.

20. If a girl tells you about her problems, she just needs someone to listen to her. You don't need to tell her that she did something wrong. She knows that already.

21. A usual act that proves that the girl likes you is when she starts fishing when you talk to other girls.

22. Girls love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

23. Girls will listen to all the bragging of the guy she likes.

24. Girls use words like hot or cute to describe girl. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.

25. Girls think WAY too much. One small thing a guy does, even if he doesn't notice it can make the girl think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

26. Girls seek for advice not only from girls but also from other guys. Because most girls think alike and the guys also think alike, so if one girl's confused, then we're all confused.

27. Any girl could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but girls find it hard to write out a book about relationships.

28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.

29. A girl has to experience rejection, because if she's never been in love and hurt, she won't be mature and grown up.

30. If the girl does something stupid in front of the guy, she will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time she spends time with the guy.

31. No matter how much guys talk about abs and biceps, personality is key.

32. Girls learn from experience not only from the romance books that girls read.

33. Girls worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being led on.

34. If a girl looks unusually calm and laid back, she's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

35. When a girl says she likes a guy, she means it big time. Girls find it hard to tell a guy that she likes him.

36. When a girl asks you to leave her alone, she's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

37. Girls find it hard when a guy can’t make a decision

38. If a girl starts to talk seriously, listen to her. Something that is breaking her heart is up.

39. If your best girl friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your girlfriend, she's probably jealous and likes you.

40. When a girl looks at you for longer than a second, she's definitely thinking something.

41. Girls like chivalry not chauvinism.

42. Girls don't like guys who punch softer than they do.

43. A girl has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

44. Don't be a snob. Girls gets heartbroken and give up easily.

45. Everything in moderation. You can drink, you can play your DOTA. Just not too much.

46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. But girls have more girls night out than guys (plus those talks in the restroom) so more or less guys and girls are even.

47. Girls hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

48. Girls really think that guys are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

49. A girl would give her left ovary or her right boob to be able to read a guy's mind for a day.

50. No girl can handle all her problems by her own. She's just too stubborn to admit it

51. Not all girls are bitches. Just because ONE is a slut doesnt mean she represents ALL of us.

Closing cycles by Paulo Coelho

2011-11-13T05:23:00.000-08:00

Closing cycles

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

2011-11-03T09:34:00.001-07:00

All of us were born with one ultimate purpose in life: To Love.

Unfair Reality

2011-10-22T23:52:00.001-07:00

In dating and relationships, all men want to be in the upper hand... they can be that unfair. Yes, even up to now they can still be chauvinist pigs. ALL of them! Unfortunately, there are no exceptions.

In dating, men look at themselves as bold hunters who deserve the privilege to enjoy chasing their poor preys. Men prefer for the women to just wait like sitting ducks. So unfair, right? But alas, even the guys who claim to be gentlemen prefer that way.

Against Their Will...

2011-10-20T07:50:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, people keep their distance not because they have totally forgotten about you... but only because they have decided to give you exactly what you want: they gave you time, they gave you space... even if it devastated them.

Love Is My Best Birthday Gift

2011-10-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

On the eve of my 30th birthday, I cried... but not due to despondence but because of bliss.

Experiencing the Holy Spirit... that was Daddy God's birthday gift for me on my 30th birthday... plus the assurance that I am so much loved.

I am loved by my children. I'm blessed to have my kids even at an early age because Raisha and Andy are so sweet, kind and loving. Sometimes, it's hard being a single mom. But to experience their love and to witness how they love each other is more than enough reason for me to be thankful that God chose me to be their mother.

I am loved by my family. We may have had our differences, but I know how much my family loves me, most especially my parents. My pain is their pain. Our support system could not be easily shaken. In my weakest points, I was strengthened by the warmth of their embrace and the assurance that they'll all be there for me no matter what.

I am loved by my friends. They are like the extension of my family. Not only were they there to party with me during those Friday nightouts, but they were also there to listen to my repetitive rants. In every heartbreak they were there to remind me that it's more of the guy's loss. Lolz!

Time will come, a guy out there will fall in love with me and accept me wholeheartedly for who I am and for who I was. My heart may not have been spared from heartache, but that's no excuse for me to give up. I may not be meant for those guys who broke my heart or whose hearts I have broken, but my heart is meant for someone. I know in time, our roads will meet.

Yes, I am loved. :) I am so much loved. I may be single right now but I'm loved by the people I treasure the most.

Daddy God, thank You so much for letting me celebrate Your love by experiencing it through the love of my family and friends. In turn, I promise to love them, just like how much You love them.

The reason why smart people are smart is because they have open minds.

2011-10-12T10:26:00.001-07:00

While most people allow themselves to be caged inside the certainties of orthodox ideologies, smart people break free and succumb to the lure of their own curiosity. They dare face the risk of failure, because they know that they'll eventually find their way out.

2011-10-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

The moment you start chasing your dreams, there's no point turning back.

Before Deciding...

2011-10-01T06:39:00.001-07:00

You never lose someone by loving them... usually, you lose someone by holding back. Yes, in some cases, letting go is the better choice... but before you do so, think twice. :)

Developing Strength

2011-09-29T10:09:00.000-07:00

I used to think that with the right willpower, everything is possible... but this year, I realized that it's not always the case... Although you may develop your strength by fighting back, but in some cases you develop it by embracing defeat.

Washing The Face Off

2011-09-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

Whether we admit it or not, the way we present ourselves to this world is dependent as to whom we're interacting with. Of course, we tend to flaunt a much prim behavior in the presence of authority or when situation deems flirtation is necessary. Both men and women wear this "makeup" during the first interactions. Indeed, the passion to impress is innate in humans. But to wear that impressive mask may be tiring at some point.

When a relationship reaches a certain comfort level, the previously repressed persona becomes more apparent. For some, the significance of the difference is so drastic, hence the reason why we usually hear some people utter the phrase, "You've changed."

People changing may not always be the case. More often than not, that's the real them. You weren't just able to notice that before because they were wearing a mask... and come to think of it, it's also possible that your own mask partially blocked your view.

Constant Companion

2011-09-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

I love the security that companionship brings. Nothing compares to the joy of being with those people you love like family, friends and colleagues. But nevertheless, it's inevitable reality that people in our lives come and go... even family.

In our lifetime, our one constant companion is actually no other than ourselves. Therefore, more than anything else, one of the most important relationships we need to develop and cherish is that relationship with "self".

Last Day

2011-09-11T06:43:00.000-07:00

Always treat a day as if it's your last day. Before you let go of an opportunity, think of the possibility that there might be no next times.

Letter to Cupid

2011-08-28T07:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Cupid,

I hope these two things are not too much to ask:

(1) Get your eyes checked
(2) Practice your aim

Thanks.

Dont' Get Left Behind

2011-08-24T08:28:00.000-07:00

People who opt to dwell in the past and not move on usually gets left behind.

Slicing the Pie

2011-08-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

Living life is always 100%... although learn to accept that nothing will be divided in equal proportion. Finding the perfect balance is so hard to achieve that some looks at it as an almost impossible mission. But come to think of it, you can always tweak the ratios of your priorities. So it’s just a matter of how creative you are in slicing the pie.

You Won't Necessarily Get What You See...

2011-08-13T03:13:00.000-07:00

Do not believe everything you see, for you may find yourself trapped in the fallacy of your own perception... whatever their depth, not a single ocean is really blue.

Keeping My Sanity from Friday to Saturday

2011-08-13T02:45:00.000-07:00

On a typical Friday, I’m out with my friends: it’s like my way of “keeping my sanity intact”. Depending on what my friends feel like doing, I would either have coffee or dinner… or grab some booze and enjoy the heat of the dance floor. My friends know how to party and we usually finish Saturday early morning. Thankfully, my parents don’t mind it. They understand that my Fridays are mine and whenever I’m lucky, I also get Saturday and Sunday nights as bonus, too. Well for them it’s OK, as long as I fulfill my motherly obligations… so what more can I ask for? ;)
But some Fridays, just like today, is different. I went home early.

I was supposed to be in a Girl’s Night Out after my team’s dinner, but then a lot of the girls handed over their rain checks earlier this day. Normally, I would ask my other friends where they are so I could kind of tag along with them. But because I was dragging three bags with me, including a laptop… I told myself, forget it. I’m heading home.

I checked the clock when I got home… t’was an hour before midnight. That’s uncommon… very much uncommon pour moi.

I already felt a bit sleepy awhile ago, so I started with my evening rituals…inside my bedroom, I unraveled my messy bun and ran my fingers through the locks; for a few seconds, I allowed myself to be enamored by the sweet curls that the bun has set. I then went to my dresser and grabbed a tube of serum: I like it better compared to moisturizers because I find it less oily. I traced the serum unto my face and enjoyed how its coolness caressed my skin.

I went out of my bedroom. All corners of our house were silent as I was the only one awake.

I peeked inside my parents’ room; my kids would usually sleep there because my room doesn’t have an A/C. The kids are sound asleep… Andy was literally sleeping on the naked floor, leaving the futon abandoned. Raisha was all curled up inside the comforter, probably feeling cold again.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a pack of M&Ms. I also grabbed a bagel and a small banana. I’m all set for my midnight snack.

Before heading back to my room, I passed by our library and grabbed a book to read. I’ve decided to read Paulo Coelho’s “By The River Piedra, I Sat Down And Wept” over again. I love this book so much. It has its certain depth that will make you reflect. Paulo is a very impressive author, I think I got all his books but I’m more inclined to reading his works related to love. I’m a hopeless romantic after all.

Also in our library, is my favorite corner: my computer area. Hence, I decided to turn it on and compose a blog, just to make sure I don’t suffer from another writer’s block.

In a jiffy, I’ll be going back to my room and read a book until I fall asleep… Tonight (or should I say this Saturday morning?), that’s how I’m going to keep my sanity intact.

Time and Too Much of It

2011-08-07T01:14:00.001-07:00

Taking your time to think before doing something may be a good idea... but taking too much of your time is a whole different story...

Sweetness and delectability can be attained by waiting for a raw fruit to ripen... but not consuming it once ripe merely exposes it to rotting.

A Thread of Goodbyes

2011-08-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

When you treasure someone so much, it’s really hard to part ways with them. It’s hard to say goodbye to the people you hold dear. It’s hard to say goodbye if you have learned to treasure their presence. But sometimes, life compels us to let go of them… even if we’re not ready. It’s quite heartbreaking, but it has to be done.

The second half of this year has let me witnessed a series of goodbyes.

In tears, I gave these people probably one of my warmest embrace, knowing that it may take a while before I can do so again. Every once in a while, when I remember them, I still feel a pinch of loneliness… how I wish that they’re still within my arms reach. When I see things that remind me of them, I suddenly feel a film nostalgic breeze.

I remember those moments when they officially said goodbye… when they said that they have to go… Helplessly, I cried… and cried… and cried. These people were like second parents to me. Some of them I treat almost like brothers and sisters.

When I find myself remembering how they broke to me the news, I can’t help not to ask myself… ‘Why am I always the one who is left behind?’

I know it’s not exactly goodbye because time will come, I will see them again… but this is for sure, I will forever treasure the moments I shared with them... I'm going to miss them… so much.

I know things will no longer be the same again, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

Love vs. Zombies

2011-08-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

Ang pag-ibig ay parang Plants VS. Zombies: Kahit anong pambabakod ang gawin mo, mga mga asungot pa ring sisirain ang diskarte mo. At pag dumating ang puntong wala ka nang bala o pangharang, lalamunin ka nang buhay habang wala kang kalaban-laban.

"Love is like the game, Plants vs. Zombies: No matter how much you try to make your defense sturdy, there would still be some who will attempt to ruin your strategy. And when it comes to the point that you have ran out of defense, they would consume you alive while you lay helpless."

How to Treat A Woman

2011-07-04T08:26:00.000-07:00

I read this from somewhere and thought of sharing it with you...

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters?

She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold ...onto her and give her the most you can.

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give.

Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."

True Form of Love

2011-06-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

“Love should prevail among all things, that’s what they say.

But in most failed relationships, love may have been there at first, but it faded with time… fear prevailed… pride prevailed.

People fail to give love a chance out of fear of getting hurt or hurting someone. But come to think of it, the choice of not falling in love also brings the possibility of someone getting hurt.

Why fear getting hurt? The pain is a reminder that loving is a sacrifice. Granted that at some point it may bring us pain… granted at some point love will stab our hearts with devastation and grief; only if we find courage to give it a chance, the same love will ignite our dying feelings and rekindle it with ultimate bliss.

Silence, to some extent, is the voice of pride. We choose not to say things assuming that our feelings are not mutually shared. We choose not to say anything at all. We always expect something in return, that when there’s a risk of leaving empty handed, we give up the fight altogether. It’s like wanting to win the lottery, but opting not to bet because the chance is slim.

Loving someone is a risk worth taking. We may not be loved back, at least we made that someone feel loved.

It’s quite sad how loving someone is seen as a weakness… It’s quite unfortunate how some people see falling in love as vulnerability. Love is one of the most powerful emotions that a human being can experience.

Love is not a weakness.

Love overcomes the fear of getting hurt. It is courage.

Love accepts and continues loving even if the feelings are not mutual. It is humility.

Love is not vulnerability. Love is strength.

Chains

2011-05-21T09:53:00.001-07:00

It’s so hard to express what you feel when you think that some things are better off unrevealed… unspoken words are chains that bind us. And from these chains, sometimes it's so hard to break free...

It is only when we free ourselves from these chains... only then that we can say that freedom is in our hands.

Question Mark

2011-04-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

I wonder what's in store for me tomorrow, the next day, next week, next month, next year... We never know what the future holds. All I know is that we always have to prepare ourselves. No one can stop time. Tomorrow is inevitable. Even if we cherish all things happening now, there would still be a risk that they will end at one point. Every single day, we come across people: some become our friends, others remain strangers. They come into our lives for a reason, a reason that unravels itself at the right time. Occasionally, we find ourselves facing circumstances that test our stability... circumstances that shake our grounds... circumstances that attempt to pull us down... I guess they're right when they said that shit happens. It's so hard not to be worried about the future. But come to think of it: each day offers a unique gift to all of us... so why fret?

More Than That

2011-02-10T07:21:00.000-08:00

I’m not exactly a cynical lover. Don’t get it all mixed up. Though I would stick to my stand that not all love stories end in happily-ever-after, but that doesn’t mean we’re all doomed to drown in despondence.

I still believe that someday, somewhere, I will be led to that crossroad where I and my soul mate will meet and there would be an instant connection. No, not exactly love at first sight, but there will still be a connection. We’ll share similar interests, giving us the opportunity to connect deeper. And at the same time, we’ll find ourselves seeing through our differences... We’ll fall in love.

Right now, I don’t know who he is… when, where or how we will meet. But I’m confident that I will meet him. I choose not to lose hope.

The feeling of loving and being loved are the greatest gifts we could give to ourselves. So why should I deprive myself? ;-p

Loving is not weakness. To love is to embrace the most powerful force that one can experience. And we will all succumb to that force… amidst our clamor to resist.

Sad Reality

2011-02-09T07:22:00.000-08:00

It’s quite unfortunate that love, no matter how precious, is drowned in the negativities brought about by fear, pride and indifference. And alas, most of us let it happen.

Rejection is what we usually fear and we sacrifice the love that we could give just to nurse that fear. Out of pride, most people keep their feelings to themselves, depriving them the chance to discover how capable they are of loving a special someone.

But can we blame them? I think not.

We have come into that generation, where falling in love is almost a twin of heartbreak. More and more people find themselves getting hurt as they enter commitments. And for some, they are led to bitter endings.

Although feelings may fade, the memories linger: the memories of broken trusts… the memories of burning passion cooling off… the memories of being left behind… And sometimes, I can’t help not to ask… was it really love that took place?

Love, at its ultimate form, is one of the most powerful weapons. It ignites passion. It strengthens bonds. It can heal painful memories. If only we allow ourselves to experience that ultimate form, love will surpass all negativities.

When Change Becomes Too Much

2011-01-30T08:44:00.000-08:00

I’ve witnessed how people change as their hearts break. They learn to take control and tame their strong emotions. But then, before they realize it… they morph into cold stoic creatures, with dense and almost frozen hearts.

To Make a Difference

2010-12-30T08:51:00.000-08:00

People may come and go but as long as you made a difference in their lives, you will always be remembered. And no matter what, they will try to reconnect just to keep in touch with you.

Everytime you make someone feel special, you become special to them as well.

Exhausted

2010-12-27T08:46:00.000-08:00

I’m tired. I’ve reached my limit...

Sometimes, it’s useless to hold on especially if you don’t have the strength to do so.

After all, even the Lord rested on the Sabbath… so who are we to exhaust ourselves?

The New February

2010-12-23T03:11:00.000-08:00

Is Cupid rendering overtime? A lot of people seems to be lovestruck... kahit mga single kong friends... pasenti!

Since September, my friends would say, September is the new February. October came and they said the same thing. Lo and behold it's already December but nevertheless, the month wasn't spared from being tagged as the new February. February is a month with merely 28 days... 29 at most... how come the "new February" lasted for a trimester? Lolz.

After 8 years of celebrating Christmas with a special someone, I'm gonna celebrate it again being single this year. Am I lonely? Surprisingly, No. Probably because I know that no matter what, I'm still gonna celebrate it with the people who love me the most... my parents and my kids. This year was also more meaningful cause I found time catching up with friends. I likewise took the courage to widen my circle... sigh, all I can say now is that I should have done it sooner.

I love this feeling. I'm so grateful with the sense of security that my friends and family impart. I still feel so much loved that even if I don't have a special someone right now, the feeling of being in love remains in my heart.

Ye, in a way my friends are right... we can make everyday a Valentine's Day.

By the way, don't get me wrong. I know that Single Blessedness ain't my calling.

I'm not in a hurry, though. I'm taking my precious time... cherishing every single moment as I enjoy the perks of being single...then collecting, selecting, discarding (ahahahaha)... basta I'm enjoying... cause I know that in time, Cupid will no longer have to shoot me with his arrow, cause love is already overflowing in my heart... and it's just waiting to be shared with the right someone.

"But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation."

Paulo Coelho, By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept

Intimidated?

2010-11-17T07:11:00.000-08:00

WHATEVER!

To hell with your inhibitions!

Besides, you'll reap nothing from them.

The Bitter Truth

2010-11-14T06:19:00.000-08:00

Some people may seem to be strong: resilient and unaffected by the bruises that life has inflicted to them.

But sometimes, in silence, they still weep... though they opt not to show the tears that trickle down their cheeks. And from time to time, they ask themselves, until when can they hold the smiles that are weakly held by their shaking hearts?

Pandora's Box

2010-11-14T05:45:00.000-08:00

PS. I Love You (A Letter For My Children)

2010-08-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

My children, when you tell me that I don’t understand you… I actually understand. I’ve been a child myself once so I know how you feel. At your age, it is you who may not completely understand me. But don’t worry, time will come you will understand life the way I understood it.

Your education is probably the most expensive legacy that I could provide. Finish it no matter what. I may not be able to give you cars, but through your education, you’ll be able to find work and in time get a car of your own. I may not be able to give you your own house, or your own condo unit… but I’ll try to teach you how to make a home.

I’m sorry if every once in a while I get upset. I’m sorry if some of my words make you cry. Without you knowing, it breaks my heart when I hurt your feelings. But my children, sometimes, I have to hurt your feelings and make you strong than let you suffer in the end and get hurt by your own mistakes.

When I worry about you, it’s not because I don’t trust you. Trust me:, I trust you so much. It’s just that I care for you so much. Remember how you freaked out when I almost threw your stick drawings because you treasured them so much? You told me that they were your masterpiece… my children, you are my masterpiece.

As you grow up, do not stop dreaming. Continue aspiring. I will always be there to support you. Feel free to share them to me so we can dream and plan together.

Do not be too hard on yourself when you fail. Don’t give up. If you need help, always remember I’m at your side. I may not know everything, but I’m willing to learn them so that I could help you. If I’m not capable of learning it, I will cheer you until the end. I will cheer you and scream the loudest when you win. If at some point you still lose, I will still be your number one fan.

Some people may do you wrong. Even before they ask for an apology, learn to forgive them already. As long as you don’t, you will walk this earth with a heavy heart. As long as you don’t forgive, you’ll never find peace. And it will be hard for you to trust: to trust others and even to trust yourself. Learn to forgive so that you could move on and start anew.

Treat your friends like they’re your brothers and sisters. Feel free to introduce them to me. Let’s make our home their second home. I’ll even cook for them on weekends when they visit. I’ll be like a mom to them. We can even have a movie night at home during some weekends.

No matter how much you work for all things, learn to accept that you don’t get everything that you want. But time will come you’ll realize it’s for your own sake. In God’s time, He will enlighten you with the reason. Granted that you don’t get everything you want, that’s because God has better plans for you.

Finally, at the right time, fall in love, my children. Inspire and be inspired. After all, love, aside from life itself, is the best gift bestowed upon us. Treasure this gift. Cherish the bliss that this experience imparts. Always remember to love with all your heart. I know that doing so will put you to the risk of heartbreak. But that’s the true form of loving. And when that time comes when someone makes you cry, I’ll be there by your side and cry with you. I’ll cry with you until you find that someone who will also love you with all their heart. Believe me, my children; there is someone out there who will love you wholeheartedly. I loved with all my heart, and you, my children, are the fruits.

Hahahaha! It's funny how I say these things now in a different perspective. T'was just like yesterday, I was whining about the same things to your grandparents.

My children, as a person, I still have a lot to learn. I’m sorry if my shortcomings have affected how I raised you one way or another… for the meantime, please accept my unconditional love to make up for it.

Journey

2010-07-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

What is the ideal way of journeying this life...

Occasionally, you may look back at your past, but don't step backwards... all your steps, amidst every stops and pauses, should lead to one direction... forward.

Roads and Journeys

2010-05-10T01:53:00.000-07:00

We all dream of flawless roads, that we lose our composure when faced with unpaved terrains. Each path that we take… they have their own uniqueness: their own flaws and their own advantages. But they are mere roads… it is still we, who should control ourselves. Whoever said that we should allow dead-ends to be our final destination? We can always turn around, find our way back to where we started, and choose another road.

At one point in our lives, temptation lures us to surrender. But why give up, when you know you deserve something better? Every failure in our journey may etch scars… but they don’t kill us. Our decision not to push through: that’s what murders our souls... and alas, it is we who inflict this fate to ourselves.

We may dream of cobbled-stone streets with trees weaving their branches into arches… we may dream of floral carpeted prairies, complete with butterflies fluttering around. Indee, some roads may be pallor, dull and barren… but no one stops from planting seeds so flowers may soon bloom. It is always up to us.

Break free from the chains of fear, doubt and apprehensions… cause they slow you down. It is high time that we open our eyes, so that we may see that hope is patiently waiting in the end of the road. Letting go gives our soul the freedom and the chance to move on, so that we can soar the horizons where better opportunities dwell.

Life is a journey… let’s make it worthwhile… for our own sake.

Motherhood and Pain

2010-05-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

For every bleeding wound that a child inflicts, a mother's heart weep in pain. For every tear that a child sheds, a mother's heart slowly breaks. Mothers always feel the pain that their children suffer from... they just don't show it knowing that they need to be strong... cause a mother's strength is a child's salvation.

Healing By Death

2009-08-05T05:50:00.000-07:00

Part of healing includes our acceptance that things, some of which we hold dear, need to be destroyed… especially if these things would either impede or hold us back from moving forward.

So far, what I find the hardest thing to destroy is love: because everytime I try to sever my love for others, I tend to leave a scratch in my self-love as well. And the more I try to rip it off, the more injuries I inflict to myself. With this I realized that I don’t necessarily have to destroy “love”. Instead, what I need to destroy are the emotions that weaken me when I love… the emotions that cloud my focus when I love. Cause contrary to what most people think… Love does not make fools out of us… it’s those negative emotions that we lose control of that make us daft.

Love, like fragile gems, is so pristine and precious… that once our hearts experience it, our hearts refrain to let it go. But soon I realized, that more than letting go, what our hearts need to accept is death... death of feelings… because only through death that will one be reborn. Death is crucial for rebirth to take place.

Death does not necessarily mean our ultimate demise but merely a momentary sojourn in our lives. And just like our physical bodies… our souls suffer prior to their “death”... sufferings comprised of our agonies and grievances… our frustrations and regrets… our doubts and insecurities… our fears… all brought upon by our pride and mistakes.

Healing begins with the death of pride to pave way to the birth of humility. We need to accept the fact that we are not gods, and are destined to commit mistakes as we stubbornly formulate our human decisions… decisions that kill and hasten the deaths of our souls. Mistakes will forever be left not rectified should they remain to be unrecognized. Embracing the reality that we err entitles our soul to the precious gift of second lives.

Time and circumstances taught me how to suffer in silence. I have come to realize that our eyes need not reveal all the tears that our hearts shed. Learning it wasn’t a walk in the clouds, but soon enough I realized that yes, it can be done. It called the need of embracing the pains inflicted by intangible wounds... wounds that I, myself, have caused. And soon enough, I realized that it wasn’t time that healed my wounds… but rather, self-forgiveness. Time merely made the wounds turn into scars, but it was forgiveness that healed them.

I have come to realize that healing is a spiritual process weaved by the threads of "births" and "deaths": a vicious cycle that will never end... and as long as we live... there would be a need for us to be healed...

Sparing Chance From The Murder Of Fear

2009-08-05T05:49:00.000-07:00

Fear, I daresay, is the nemesis of Chance.

Each time we nurse our fears and apprehensions, we deprive ourselves that chance to grow… that chance to succeed… that chance to love… Fears trap us in these invisible boundaries; it lures us to set unreasonable limitations to ourselves.

How many times do you find yourself hesitant to immerse in a circle just because of your fear of rejection?
How many times do you find yourself thwarted to aim the peak just because of your fear of failure?
How many times do you find yourself meticulously measuring all your moves to meet social standards and expectations just because of your fear that your difference will be ridiculed?
How many times do you find yourselves complacently embracing the certainties that present brings just because of the fear that the ambiguity of the future creates?
How many times do you find yourself surrendering the bond that love creates just because of your fear of getting hurt or hurting someone else?

We are all confined in a chamber filled with qualms and worries: suffocated by our own doubts and reservations. And before we know it, that chamber is already full of negativities that we begin to drown in our own paranoia.

Pre-empted with fear, we dare not move and merely rely on someone else to guide us out of hell. Alas, most people think this way… hence the reason why no one is saved. Oftentimes, we are merely followers waiting for a leader to initiate that first step. In silence, we pray that somebody else will assume that messianic role. But the question is, why wait for someone else?

Fear usually begins when we lose faith in ourselves. It is the darkness that blinds us from seeing our true capabilities. It is the wall that hinders us from realizing the better chances and opportunities that we could give to ourselves.

Doors of endless opportunities will forever remain shut unless we reach out and open these doors. Without us knowing, the key lies deep inside our hearts. And to open this, we need to surpass all our fears: our fear of rejection… our fear of failure… our fear of uncertainties…

Indeed, our future is comprised of a lot of unknowns, but we have the choice to face it with fear… or with confidence and hope. Fear encourages us to remain stagnant in where we stand, while hope inspires us to move forward and grow and give ourselves that very chance that could change our lives.

Give yourself the chance to be welcomed by surpassing your fear of rejection…
Give yourself the chance to succeed by surpassing your fear of failure…
Give yourself that chance to stand out by surpassing your fear of ridicule…
Give yourself that chance to love and be loved by surpassing that fear of pain…
Give yourself the chances that fear has deprived you of.

Changing Zones

2009-04-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

Our lives will only change the moment we change our habits; success is usually found outside comfort zones...

How...

2009-04-08T04:48:00.000-07:00

How can you say that you love someone so much, when that love is shared with somebody else...

Downside Of Technology...

2009-04-08T03:41:00.000-07:00

Our minds are more than capable of digging deeper and unraveling complex ideas... we just prefer to settle with the shallow answers that technology feeds.

In Relationships

2009-04-06T03:44:00.000-07:00

.. it's better to bring out the best in one another, instead of nitpicking each other's flaws...

Time and Healing

2009-04-05T04:29:00.000-07:00

Time, they say, heals all wounds... but nevertheless, wounds may leave permanent scars, that not even time can remove.

When The Anxiety Reverses

2008-12-21T04:59:00.000-08:00

"Nanay ka nga" Era said as I told her what happened during Andy's class yesterday.

Andy moved up in his Gymboree class. From Level 6, he's now attending Science Fun. Unlike his previous classes, parent participation is only during the first half of the class (or probably even less). The second part of the class is held in a mini-room. Adults stay outside.

At first I worried that he might cry and look for me. After all, it's his first time to attend the class. You see, for the past few months, he attends his previous class with me and Raisha around... yes, it's a family affair. But this time it's different.

I tried to look for signs of separation anxiety. Would he cry? Would he act up? The moment the teacher closed the door, I wondered whether he would check if we would go inside with him. But no, he handled it well, and even managed to consume a couple of slices of orange.

Flashbacks suddenly rushed in my mind... my first ultrasound... those moments when i felt him kick while he was still in my tummy... the way his lips used to shiver whenever he cries... the first time i heard him say, "I love you mommy" and "You're beautiful mommy."... Then it came to my realization that the 5 lbs. infant is now a 3 year old toddler who manage to captivate hearts with his wit and naughtiness.

Three years have passed and a lot of things have changed. But amidst everything, just seeing my kids enjoying each other's company is enough for me to realize how blessed I really am. With that I remembered what my mother would used to tell me, "For every milestone that a child achieves, it's the mother who feels most victorious."

And yes, what they say is true. On first days, if the child doesn't cry, it's the mother who does.

As I Killed Time...

2008-11-23T02:01:00.000-08:00

I did my usual rounds of reflecting and contemplating...

this time...

about "time"...

Time is an inevitable force that religiously observes a constant speed... neither can it be delayed nor be stopped... time will never wait for us.

You may be able to pause a timer but you can never actually freeze time.

There's a fifty percent possibility that we're wasting someone else's time each time we're late or when we make somebody wait.

Time is so precious, that once wasted, all else may lose their worth

Love Pensieve

2008-11-03T00:54:00.000-08:00

When I've got nothing to do or whenever I feel sentimental, I grab my phone , open the notes application and jot down my thoughts... soon enough, I came to realize that I've already created more than a dozen quotes about love...

Love is an alchemist that transforms ordinary things into something precious.

Infatuation is not love, but a temporary state that feeds our emptiness with mere velleity and sweet nothings. Unlike love, it doesn't nurture; hence, it seizes to grow.

Love appreciates simple things. It doesn't demand for something more.

Love is never haunted nor thwarted by the past. it merely reflects on the lessons of yesterday so as not to commit the same mistakes in the future.

Ten thousand people may break your heart, but only you can hold yourself back from loving again.

To convince yourself not to be in love just makes you more vulnerable. The hunger grows stronger when love is repressed.

What is to fear about love? No one fears love per se; what they fear is getting hurt. And as long as they can't overcome that fear, they can never be in love.

Doubts that cloud our minds transform into fear the moment they travel into our hearts. If our hearts are filled with fear, then there is no space for love. Hence, we could only be truly in love the moment we let go of our doubts.

What is "I Love You." compared to "I'm In Love With You."?

Love at its purest form may be altruistic, but it still has a sense of self.

Love may be a noun, but it's much better as a verb.

The person that you can't get off your mind is the same person that your heart wants to be with.

On Risk, Failures and Moving On...

2008-10-29T05:41:00.000-07:00

There's no one to talk with but my pen and paper...

I guess this calls for a night of contemplation...

So while enjoying a cup of my favorite brewed Yuban Columbian coffee, I browsed through my playlist and selected some Bossa Nova songs. Soon enough, I found myself jotting down my thoughts.

Scribble scribble... scribble scribble... pouring my insights through the ink of my pen... filling the page with my sentiments... I scribbled the night away.

Et voila! A compilation of my insights...

on taking risks...
on moving on...
... and the failure of some to do so.

--------------------------------------

"To think twice before making a single step is wisdom. However, to think but not move at all is foolishness. Why waste your efforts brainstorming on a plan that would never be executed in the first place?"

"It's true that we need to be cautious in taking risks, but fear shouldn't impede us from doing so. Failure to take risks is a risk itself. and more often than not, this leads to another failure: failure to make a move."

"You'll never accomplish anything if you keep on ending what hasn't even begun."

"Some people remain trapped in the dark because they keep on putting off the spark... with that being done, how are they going to see the light?"

"Pessimists are trapped in their past... Optimists may become too eager about the future... can somebody remind these people that more than anything else, what they should deal about is the present?"

"How will you know what will happen in the future if you're still preoccupied thinking about what happened in the past?"

"If you take a risk but fail in the end... just move on."

The Right Way Out

2008-10-19T20:38:00.000-07:00

A day of partial R&R at home made me realize that sometimes, the quickest way out of things is actually to slow down so you could think things over...

True enough, urgent thrills call for spontaneity; but some decisions just really demand religious planning...

Rushing things compel us to make hasty decisions. And in doing so, we may find ourselves exhausted and trapped in a loop of trials-and-errors. Rushing things may lead us to a maze that would further thwart us from thinking straight.

Shaken by cruel deadlines and ultimatums... binded by stringent timelines... pressured by persistent people... we just exhale "come-what-may" conclusions and merely rely on sheer luck to bless us with favorable outcomes. But really... how sound are these decisions?

Our confidence in our actions depends on our confidence in our decisions. Each time we rush things, we jeopardize our chances to get out of that paranoid "did-I-make-the-right-decision" state.

So slow down... pull over if you have to... clear your minds... and allow the thoughts to flow freely in your mind... soon, you'll find the right way out.

Free To Decide - The Cranberries

My Birthday Contemplations

2008-10-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

1. Cherish the company of every people I meet.

2. Rejoice every time I make an accomplishment... some may seem minute and simple, but they are still accomplishments.

3. Embrace past mistakes not as failures but lessons to be learned.

4. To enjoy life, I need to celebrate living.

5. In making decisions, I really don't have to worry about what other people may think or say, but I should definitely care about what they may feel.

6. Smile... and mean it.

7. I am and will always be loved.

8. Every shortcoming surpassed is a milestone to be proud of.

9. People may come and go but as long as you made a difference in their lives, you will always be remembered.

Today, not only did I become a year older, but I also became a few pounds heavier... . But nevertheless, I'm happy because I know I'm blessed with a set of loving family and friends. And whatever wisdom I gained throughout these years, it's all because of them.

Vox Sui Juris - 3TO08ATO001

2008-10-17T03:11:00.000-07:00

We are the authors of our love stories
and we can definitely make fairytales out of them.

Out of This World

2008-07-20T16:32:00.000-07:00

You Are From Saturn

You're steady, organizes, and determined to achieve your dreams.
You tend to play it conservative, going by the rules (at least the practical ones).
You'll likely reach the top. And when you do, you'll be honorable and responsible.
Focus on happiness. Don't let your goals distract you from fun!
Don't be too set in your ways, and you'll be more of a success than you ever dreamed of.

What Planet Are You From?

Ignition

2008-07-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame.
You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out.

You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable.
You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go.

Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.
Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's Your Element?

Dreamer by Nature

2008-07-20T16:23:00.000-07:00

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Vox Sui Juris - 2WJL08ATO004

2008-07-11T06:17:00.000-07:00

Even before we learned how to speak, our sense of hearing has already developed.

Unfortunately,

Not everyone learned how to listen.

Vox Sui Juris - 2WJL08ATO003

2008-07-11T05:39:00.000-07:00

In this world, nobody's perfect...

... just a lot of people pretending to be one.

Vox Sui Juris - 2WJL08ATO002

2008-07-11T05:36:00.000-07:00

A mute can speak through hands...

A deaf can listen through the eyes...

Communication is always possible.

Proverbs 28:23

2008-06-21T04:14:00.000-07:00

"In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery."

Your Value As You

2008-06-08T06:32:00.000-07:00

I just came to realize that I have three seminarian friends: Lynil, Brian and Michael. And aside from them, I also have some one-on-one talks with my mother's spiritual adviser, Bro. Boy.

As a result, I may not be that religious in hearing mass before, but through their insights, I saw wisdom amidst the trials that come my way. And as I see more depression-related-entries being posted, allow me to share with you the insights that my friends shared with me.

"Religiosity is different from spirituality." More often than not, a lot of people think that hearing mass already suffices for one's spirituality to blossom. Spirituality is not only about having a closer relation with our God. It also entails the growth of our wisdom and willpower... hence the need for reflection: something that most of us fail to do.

A lot of us may think that the solution to some of our concerns are found in alcohol and carefree lifestyle, not realizing that they just temporarily mask the sad reality. Occupying your minds with other thoughts is not a solution as well. Doing so just delays you from coming up with a sound resolution.

Did you ever find yourself being thanked by your friends for being able to give them good advises? A lot of us would say yes. With that, given that you can share good insights to your friends, then it only shows that you're capable of knowing the right thing to do... of doing the best thing that can be done to get out of the mess. Then by all means, do it.

If you want a problem to end, the best thing to do is not to get out of the situation, just because you don't have control. Accepting the fact that you have no control makes you helpless. Make an effort to take control. In the end you may even realize that they are not problems to begin with.

Weaknesses may tempt us to surrender. But if you know for a fact that your value as a person is so precious that no money can ever equal, then by this time, you should realize that you are not worth to be defeated by weaknesses.

Vox Sui Juris - 1MJ08ATO002

2008-06-05T05:14:00.000-07:00

Promises broken by human will be fulfilled through poetic justice.

One may turn his/her back from moral obligations, but guilt and conscience would haunt the dreams... and turn them nightmares.

Vox Sui Juris - 1MJ08ATO001

2008-06-05T05:12:00.000-07:00

One may go on rationalizing all things, but the heart holds enough power to rule over logic.

Even the most intelligent thoughts and soundest justifications can be weakened by emotions.

Vox Sui Juris - 1SM08ANOS002

2008-02-29T20:18:00.000-08:00

Just as ethical
as saying "Thank You",
Always remember
to say, "You're Welcome."

Vox Sui Juris - 1SM08ANOS001

2008-02-29T19:43:00.000-08:00

Be flattered when people are jealous of you...

It means that that they recognize the fact that there is something about you that they don't have.

They are annoyed with your presence, knowing that you might "overshadow" them.

Complacency

2007-06-03T00:41:00.001-07:00

Complacency initiates regrets: I learned this the hard way. My opportunities nestled upon an easy grasp, and yet, I allowed them to gush through my fingers like immaterial filth. Pampered like an infant, being spoonfed with too much comfort, everything seemed ordinary and accessible. Alas, when my moment of enlightenment came, I realized that never will I be able to regain these potential fortuities…

Who would have thought that fleck of iota was diamond dust?
Who would have thought that rodent shit is a sought for coffee bean?
Who would have thought that moment should have been a milestone?

Just because of my complacency, I’m still haunted by regret. Now, I’m grieving over something that I can never take back. If only I have been more prudent with the opportunities offered to me, then my life would be very much different today.

With this, I daresay: abstract or tangible, cherish everything the same way you will treasure the most valuable element. Yes, maybe I learned it the hard way, but that doesn’t mean you’re likewise doomed to suffer the same fate.

Vox Sui Juris - 4MM07ITO002

2007-05-28T05:54:00.000-07:00

The echoes in your head

will always overshadow

the voices of this earth;

yes, even the loudest scream

that could shatter your ears.

Vox Sui Juris - 4MM07ITO001

2007-05-28T05:51:00.000-07:00

THE CATALYST

Always remember:
your complacence will commence
eternal regrets

Vox Sui Juris - 4FM07ITO001

2007-05-25T05:26:00.000-07:00

You can win poker
even without an ace;
you just have to know
when to fold...
when to raise...
and when to bluff
with your poker face.

Vox Sui Juris - 4THM07ITO005

2007-05-25T05:23:00.000-07:00

Nights that often symbolize sorrow can actually be considered a celebration of the strength of family ties:

With the death of Father Sun,
the weeping heart of Mother Moon
is embraced with optimism
through the smiles of bright Shining Stars.

Vox Sui Juris - 4THM07ITO004

2007-05-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

Our hearts,
like pristine crystals,
will be eternally marred
the moment it breaks;
amidst all attempts
to restore its beauty,
it will still remain
to be scarred
and much more fragile.

Vox Sui Juris - 4THM07ITO003

2007-05-25T05:16:00.000-07:00

This world is doomed
to be in perpetual debate,
for the simple reason that
we’re all mere
assuming fools
claiming to be certain
of everything.

Vox Sui Juris - 4THM07ITO002

2007-05-25T05:15:00.001-07:00

Mothers,
being mere erring mortals,
do not necessarily
know the best;
but nevertheless,
I daresay,
that their love
is better
than best.

Vox Sui Juris - 4THM07ITO001

2007-05-25T05:12:00.000-07:00

Embrace is responsible for incubating love;
while it’s the role of a Kiss to be the catalyst of passion.

Vox Sui Juris - 4WM07APT001

2007-05-24T05:56:00.000-07:00

Silence will never be a yes,
neither will it become a no;
although it may be a safe response,
it will never yield answers
for our questions

Vox Sui Juris - 2SM07APT001

2007-05-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

Sincerest emotions
are reflected
through tears

Straight From A Mother

2007-05-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

With a pristine and delicate life being nursed by my bosom, tears roll down my cheeks as the sudden chill of excitement ignites my heart…

Nothing compares to the thrill of motherhood. Being the instrument of having the ultimate form of tabula rasa come into being is a privilege that is often understated. Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if we really deserve such kind of blessing.

It’s quite tragic how some people nowadays attempt to avoid having children. With these paragons of innocence considered a burden, I can’t help not to be concerned of what’s in store for our future. If humans continue to observe this kind of thinking, there might come a time that we’ll also face the threat of extinction. Yes, the last statement was a mere hyperbole, but who knows?

No, I’m not saying that we should breed like bunnies… all I’m saying is that children should never EVER be considered a burden. The genesis of this appalling thought is a product of a spineless mind that would do everything just to be spared from responsibilities.

As a parent, I find it insulting to hear from some people that never in their whole life would they parent a child. Believe me, that's the worst you can tell a parent.

Parenthood is not necessarily a walk in the clouds, but neither is it the river of Styx. Yes, often times, you will find yourself almost drained in several aspects; but the moment you surpass that phase, the fruit comes in multitude.

As we commemorate our mothers today, take some time to reflect. Your mother walked the parental promenade that you are hesitant to take. Should she have decided to take the same path that you are opting right now, you will not even need to make such decision anymore.

Vox Sui Juris - 2TM07INC001

2007-05-08T01:22:00.000-07:00

Heart over Mind?
Mind over Heart?

You should not sacrifice one
for the sake of the other...
The need to be co-existent.
Sacrifice one you will lose your mind,
sacrifice the other, you will be heartless.

Your heart doesn't have it's own mind;
Your mind doesn't have a heart.
That's why they need one another...
and it's your role to play Cupid.

Vacation In Katatonia

2007-05-07T23:32:00.000-07:00

T’was the Monday after the Verde Island weekend…

Like strands in a pensieve, series of thoughts streamed in my mind. Each time that I blinked, a vision of my past flashed in my brain like a strike of lightning. As I try to recall the specifics, I came to realize that there was a common denominator… in those events, I missed out on an opportunity in trade of sparing my pride from further injury.

Indeed, my silence deprived me of a lot of things; but I opted to cocoon my emotions and beliefs. This society has yet to understand my philosophy in life.

After being exposed to the trauma of several rejections, my mind is still bombarded with hesitations. I’m still trapped in katatonia.

I may seem to be transparent, because that is what I portray. In reality, however, this world is completely unaware of who I really am. People thought they know me well. Alas, I dare to rebut their assumption. Nobody knows me, not even my own mother.

Each passing day, I find myself succumbing to my weaknesses. Opportunities continue to pass like grains of sand…

Until the day I overcome all my fears…

My silent screams…
My lonely tears…

Will be the sole elements I’ll share my secrets with.

Vox Sui Juris - 4MA07ATO004

2007-04-23T05:28:00.000-07:00

Proverbs state that a tree can be recognized by its fruits; I dare negate this statement, for a nobody can bring forth a somebody in this world.

Vox Sui Juris - 4MA07ATO003

2007-04-23T05:25:00.001-07:00

Your eyes reveal
what your tongue conceals.

Vox Sui Juris - 4MA07ATO002

2007-04-23T05:22:00.000-07:00

No honey is sweeter than a kiss;
no fabric feels better than a hug.

Vox Sui Juris - 4MA07ATO001

2007-04-23T04:35:00.000-07:00

Happiness and Satisfaction,
being amorphous contexts,
can never be grasped
via tangible instruments

At The Façade of Ice Land

2007-04-21T02:00:00.000-07:00

Ice Land is not a scenic panorama with pine trees and snow-capped peaks. It’s definitely not in Europe, and neither does it fit the winter wonderland that probably came into your mind. But yes, it is unpleasantly cold and everything in sight is almost frozen.

This Ice Land was a context created by Christine Jesperson, Miranda July’s character in the movie, “Me and You and Everyone We Know”. Upon comprehension, I realized that it’s a distressing phase that may drive anyone in groundless paranoia. Believe me; you don’t want to set foot at this freezing point. So what exactly is this Ice Land?

She described Ice Land as that point in a relationship where you suddenly realize it’s not going to last forever, and you can see the end in sight… With this into account, your brain may have paused for a nanosecond, but then series of flashbacks stream in your mind. Suddenly, an emotional déjà vu begins. All the while, you thought that the Ice Land introduction was gibberish Latin, when as a matter of fact; you may have already been there.

July’s Ice Land may be considered intangible milieu, but this term was coined from our very emotions. At one point in time, we may have experienced Ice Land in our relationships… the heartwarming passion is suddenly replaced with an eerie chill. And it seems like no matter what we do, it just gets more frigid. Indeed, it’s that dreaded phase of the relationship. Some are fortunate to have surpassed it, while some are still lost and trapped in the heart of Ice Land.

As we carry on foregoing some things for the sake of our ambitions, more people will find themselves another step nearer the Ice Land. But then again, the decision would still be ours. Consider Ice Land as a chamber in a labyrinth: yes, it’s there, but it’s a mere option. It’s still up to us whether to take it or not.

Not So Ordinary Maternal Contemplations

2007-04-15T15:49:00.000-07:00

The gift of motherhood has been accorded to me at a sweet age. On the advent of my twenties, my womb cradled an innocent angel. Often perceived as a rough go obligation, the optimist in me decided to embrace it as euphoria.

With the dawning of this personal epoch, I saw the need for my emotional rebirth. Following the teeming sessions of pondering in the backwoods, I gathered enough strength to kiss my fears goodbye. I likewise encouraged my mother, who was so affected by my situation, to accept what happened to me. Besides, why should energy be wasted for all those boohoo? After all, babies will not be considered “bundles of joy” for no reason.

At present, I’m a doting mother of a charming six-year-old and an energetic one-and-a-half. It would be hypocrisy should I say that motherhood would be like walking in the clouds. There were several occasions that I found myself seeming to be obliged to thread a yarn in an almost eyeless needle. However, believe me when I say that motherhood, or even parenthood in general, is a gift that will make your life more meaningful. The parental struggles that you might face are nothing compared to the bliss that your children will give you.

The joy that I felt with the births of my children cannot be compared to anything. Up to this point in time, I can’t find the right words to describe the feelings contained in my heart the first time I heard their cries. I daresay, the sensation was much better than orgasm.

Moreso, the best part of it is that momentous event was just the beginning of several experiences… events that I will be dying to share. If you have a child, there’s never a dull moment. The usual thrill of seeing their first smile, first laugh, and first step are mere ho-hums compared to the other joyous firsts you will witness in their lives. They will also have some unfortunate yet comic misadventures that will make you worry for a few minutes, but chuckle afterwards.

Given that I’m still unwed up to this point in time; my family is still in a bittersweet mode when it comes to accepting that I’m a mother. In a society that is founded in religion and morality, my situation is considered a curse. To spare my reputation, I could have just undergone a secret abortion, or could have just compelled the father to marry me even if we’re not emotionally ready. But abortion is murder, and marriage is a sacrament that you should only enter into when BOTH parties are ready to commit. With this, is single parenthood really something to be ashamed of?

Nonetheless, innocent of the condemnations thrown at us, my children go on with their usual, and celebrate each day like a blessing. On those days that I seem to be aloof or when I’m on the verge of my silent screams, they suddenly manage to pull-off some antics like natural stand-ups. No matter how gravid

Each time that I see my daughter and son sharing moments of laughter; the painful memories of my past fades away. Each time I see my children bring out the soft side of my father; the more I treasure my family. Each time I find myself embraced by their sticky arms, I know that I have all the reasons to be proud and undaunted of the bashing accusations of others. After all motherhood is not a popularity contest that obliges you to please everybody… it’s all about what your children think of you, and what you would make out of them.

When Blog Taps Into Your Conscience

2007-04-07T02:41:00.000-07:00

I'm dying to blog something, but I know I can't do it. I know that once I do so, some people might get hurt. It's just frustrating.

Because I love writing, this is supposed to be my therapy. But alas, each time a post an entry, this blog is tapping to my conscience. As much as the bitch in me would want to rant my heart out, the sprite in me thwarts me from doing so.

My body is about to give in: my fingers are shaking... my eyes are twitching...

Aaarrrgh! Control yourself, Frankie.

Hey, maybe that's it. Maybe that is where the therapy kicks in. All my life I failed to think of the feelings of others; but through this blog, I'm starting to become more considerate of their emotions.

The Wrong Things Women Do For Love

2007-04-07T00:09:00.000-07:00

This is the website that I created when I was still pregnant with Raisha... that's roughly 5 or 6 years ago.

http://www.geocities.com/kiky4199/index.html

After reading it, you may have realized how pathetically in love I was with her father. Sad to say, rather than reciprocating it to the same extent, he did otherwise. For a while, I told myself that he would change. Lo and behold, he became worse. I taught myself to be numbed by pain brought upon by this reality, but it came to a point that I got fed up already.

Well obviously, our relationship didn't have a happily-ever-after ending. I, yes, it was I, who broke up with him. If I elaborate, you'll realize that I have all the reasons to do so, but to give my daughter the respect due to her, I'll skip the details.

I wrote this blog for my friends who are so obsessed with their good-for-nothing boyfriends. I already made one before, but, as you may have noticed, my first blog was deleted (well, I deleted it, actually).

When you fall in love with someone, it seems like your life will end the moment your relationship with him ends. HEL-LO?! You survived half of your life sans that asshole!

I'm not saying that all men, in general, are bastards. More than half of my friends are men. I'm thankful that they treat me well. Some of them put their women in the pedestal. For some however... well, I'm just thankful I'm not their girlfriends.

A lot of them are actually surprised with my outlook in life. They would always tell me, that I don't sound anything like their girlfriends (yes, with an S!). Cause as some of you may have already known by now, I'm not actually the type of GF who investigates and spies on her bf.
Honestly, if they would ask me a few years ago, I may still sound like their GFs, probably even worse than them. But hey, I have 101 reasons not to be like such anymore.

I always keep in mind what my mother used to tell me: love your man by maintaining a slim distance from him. When a woman puts a silver lining between her and her man, it makes the man long for her much more. In a nutshell, what I'm trying to say is, live your own life, girl. Don't allow yourself to become a shadow of your guy... make your man be the one to get that lining out of the way.

Change is the only permanent thing in this world. With this, it is safe for me to say, that there is at least a 1% possibility, that you will still not end with the guy who snagged you. With the obvious threat of divorce, marriage is no longer your sanctuary. With that being said, take a good look of your bf, or your husband, cause that may be the last. (dan-dan-dan-dan!)
It really breaks my heart whenever I see my friends unable to go about their activities because their guys seem to be laser-tattooed in their minds. What's really more heart breaking is when they start to cry out of no reason. My sympathies to you, but Duh?!

Move on, girls. So what if your guy cheats on you? Then dump that guy and look for someone who doesn't. That was the road I travelled, and I'm so happy with that decision.

Paranoia won't do you any good. If you think he will not cheat just for you, you may want to think again. I will be the devil's advocate here... It may hurt to know the truth (well, reality bites, anyways), but believe me, there's a bigger chance that your guy does not love you as much as you think. Some men cheat knowing that you let them get away with it.

Oh, please don't get me wrong. This blog is not only for those cheating hearts. This blog is also dedicated for those girls who are stuck with BFs who think that the definition of future is just "tomorrow", and if you're lucky, it also includes "the day after tomorrow". This is also dedicated for those who have donned all shades of bruises from, green to blue to black, etc.

Just like what I said, I have a lot of guy friends. You should hear them whenever they have a get together. Sometimes, it really pisses the shit out of me, sometimes I just find myself laughing with them. Because honestly, some girls are just so desperate, they don't mind making a fool out of themselves just to check on their guys.

Girl, spare your sanity from the threat of obsession... spare your tears and wipe those mascara smudge goodbye! I made this blog not to break your hearts, but to open your mind to reality... this is what's really happening. Please, please, please... stop being a martyr. Being one is actually a stepping stone to obsession... is your guy really worth it?

Here's a hint, though... if you want to become a "for keeps"... give your guy a break. Yeah, I know you just love your beau so much, but that shouldn't be an excuse to put them in a short leesh. The last thing that a guy wants is another mother. He loved you as a girlfriend and not as a guardian, so be a girlfriend. Neither should you also tolerate the frustrated Manny Pacquiao in him. Just so you know, if he abuses you physically or even emotionally or psychologically, there is already a case that can be filed against him... heard about "Violence Against Women"?

And lastly, always keep in mind the golden rule: don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you. So, if you don't want your bf to give you a miserable life, don't give him one.

Abstract of Love

2007-04-06T19:43:00.000-07:00

Ti's funny how in life, you learn to love someone; and yet, before you know it, you learn to hate the same person. Ho well, that's the bite of the bug we commonly know as love.

It's just sad. Friends, both old and new, got stories to tell me. And well, they're heartbreaking.
Maybe life is all that. Sometimes, you think that a person is meant for you, but then you realize that same person is the one you mean to forget. At first you think you're so much in love, but just because of fear, you stumble in shaky stones. You’re about to be convinced that you're looking into your soul mates eyes, but then you change your mind the moment someone gives you a wink. Ha, and you used to think you were so much in love...

How would you know how much you love someone? You will feel it not in your joyful days, but during those days of "trials". When that special someone doesn't love you the same way anymore, but you still find yourself waiting to be loved again.

Loving involves embracing the past, present and future of that person. Likewise, it entails sacrificing a part of you: to give space to the portion that your loved one is about to share. And yet, it doesn’t end there. Love is letting someone realize that you have worth and YOU, too, should be loved. Finally, the most important thing of all, your love should be unconditional.

Alas, man has put conditions, thus putting a limit to love. "I would only love you when..."... "I can't love you yet, because..." It is a sad reality, but it happens. A lot of relationships, both blossoming and tested strong, are broken, once these set into place.

Indeed, Love is a complex irony.

Love is precious, at the same time, fragile.

Love is not only your promise to that special someone, but also, your commitment to yourself.
Love is that abstract world where heaven and hell meet. One minute, we hope to stay in this "paradise" forever, the next second, we're desperate to get out.

In loving, you'll find yourself trapped in what seems to be a vicious cycle of bliss and agony; but still we take the risk and succumb to this addiction. Some people consider it foolish; I daresay we just never learn our lessons.

If love is such a splendid thing, then how come a lot of people are miserable in loving? To start it all with were they really in love in the first place?

Loving is hard because it is like a mustard seed. We sow it in one individual, and anticipate its growth. There’s nothing wrong with that, but sometimes, we want it to happen overnight. Definitely, it can be overwhelming.

Loving can also be tiring, when you don't feel that you are not loved in return. If you keep on loving even when you are not loved is not an example of unconditional love. That’s romantic suicide. Raise the white flag while there’s time. Your love story may not end in a happy ending, but at least you didn’t allow it to become your tragedy.

In loving, we will be bound to make some of our toughest decisions in life. Giving in... Letting go... Breaking someone's heart... etc. They're all part of loving. There will be instances that our love may bring joy to someone and devastation for others.

However, more than anything else, what would really matter is what we learn out of loving. In the end, it should make you a better person.

Anticipating Liberation

2007-04-06T19:39:00.000-07:00

At first it may seem kind of weird how some people suddenly burst into tears for no apparent reason. I used to not understand them, until I found myself holding back my tears: desperate not to let go of a single drop. Alas, it was then that I realized that you can't escape from your own emotions. Yes, sometimes you may try to wallow in denial by pretending that everything's a-OK. Lo and behold, by the end of the day, it doesn't change anything. It will keep on hunting you no matter what.

You know that feeling when you suddenly remember something so devastating? It haunts you over and over again, and whenever you are reminded by that memory, you want to yell until your lungs are bone dry. It's just emotionally draining. It's like a vampire who feasts on your blood, and you’re so helpless because the prey is in you.

AAAAAARGH!!! Until when will it be like this? Desperately, you ask yourself. After which, you try to consult other people, not realizing that the answer is all up to you. My friend Pia Tayengco once used a tag in her Yahoo Messenger. I forgot the exact words, but the gist is all about man's tendency to give sound advices to other people, but finding himself lost and quite uncertain on how to handle his own dilemma. That statement was a definite bull’s-eye… even to me.

Just like what I said, I am not an exception. I also find myself occasionally staring at nothing, forgetting even to blink. After all, I’m also a mere human being bombarded with problems. With that, it is safe for me to reassure you that you are not the only one wishing for a better tomorrow.

Whoever said that living our lives will be a walk in the clouds? Some people just know how to face their problems better than the others. Believe me, day after day, you will encounter more challenges in life. It’s totally useless to expect that you’ll wake up one day worrying about nothing. If that happens, I would rather die because that day would be definitely a bore.
Overcoming an agonizing misery is not a piece of cake. You have to be determined to help yourself to break free from that tight spot. Your loved ones may counsel you, but the most important advice you should listen to is that whispered by your heart. The advices that your loved ones give you are mere supporting statements.

We are endowed with tears for a purpose. Allow yourself to cry, because it’s your soul’s way of cleansing. Each tear that you shed is a pain washed away from your heart. And once you’re down to your last tear, do not forget to smile. Everyone is at their finest whenever they beam their smiles. So go ahead, and flash those pearly whiles… and when you’re strong enough again, let this world hear your laughter.

Believe it or not, sources of happiness are everywhere. It just so happens that we are looking in the wrong places. Happiness can be attained not necessarily through tangible possessions. After all, happiness is an abstract word: it is a delicate emotion. You will never find happiness, because it is invisible. You can definitely feel it however, if you allow yourself to be liberated from angst.

It’s just a matter of applying the yin and yang philosophy in your life. If you can exhaust all your energy wallowing over something depressing, then without a doubt, you can impart the same amount of energy in celebrating your joyful memories that are worth to be cherished. The choice is all up to you. Would you rather look at your life as half empty or half full? If you think it is half full, and then what are you waiting for, go ahead and fill the other half. If you think it’s half empty, why did you let it happen in the first place?

With this, while your sanity is still intact, go ahead and make your day. Cry… smile… laugh. Your parents were joyous of your coming into being, so why shouldn’t you?

My Pallete Of Ideas About Marriage

2007-04-06T13:19:00.000-07:00

MARRIAGE.

Dear me, I can't believe it. I was actually able to write that almost extinct word... properly spelled, mind you.

Nothing special, actually. It just so happens that I only see a few people committing to that sacrament nowadays. Well, some people pretend to be married, when the only thing that happened to them was to be wed.

Hey, please don't get me wrong. I'm just another lady who loves witnessing weddings and sighs in the idea of marriage. Alas, I'm not in daydream mode at the moment...

Frank Sinatra was right when he said that Love and Marriage go together like Horse and Carriage. He was wrong though when he said that you can’t have one without the other. Love can suffice without Marriage just like a Horse can live without a Carriage. Without a doubt though, Love is more meaningful with Marriage and Horse is more useful when it pulls a Carriage.

This blog is about that wonderful “Carriage” that adds purpose to the “Horse”: Marriage.

Marriage has a deeper meaning that a lot of people fail to reflect on. It entails more than the dream wedding in San Agustin Cathedral and the honeymoon in Europe. It is more than about imagining yourself spending your lifetime with your special someone and your would-be kids.

One should realize that conflict is one unavoidable fact in marriage… yet it is. A husband and his wife are two different individuals who are raised by two different families and grew up with their own circle of friends. With this in mind, it will normal for people to find themselves occasionally disagreeing with their partners. And no, it’s not about a question of your compatibility. A lot of people think that their marriage was a failure because they think that they are not compatible with their partners. Compatibility is just a mindset that we dictate to ourselves. Hence, you may ask, “why do some couples argue more often than the others?” There are several possible reasons: pride, a know-it-all personality, you think your partner is worthless, etc. (well honestly, if you are any of these, you will never be “compatible” with anybody).

Marriage does not and should not only revolve within the relationship between the man and woman. They should also consider the several other webbing relationships encompassing around: their relationship with their respective family and friends; their relationship with the family and friends of their partner; and most importantly, their relationship with themselves. More likely than not, they would find themselves in heated arguments should one of these relationships is taken for granted. As a matter of fact, this is one of the reasons why some marriage is jeopardized. One of the partners feels that they’ve given up a lot for the other… that their life only revolved around the other to a point that they’ve forgotten who they are.

I find it unfair against men when people stereotype and claim that men fear marriage. Man or no man, no one fears marriage per se. Rather, men actually fear their own egos. They are afraid that they will not be able to meet the expectations of their partners. I believe that men look at marriage as their “Happy-Ever-After” promise to their partner. And as long as they are unsure as to whether they can commit to that promise or not, they would opt to stay on the safe side.

Calasanz said that good people could create bad relationship even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. This is because they’re focusing on the wrong things. They look more into saving the relationship in general like spending more quality time or doing the things that they used to do. I’m not saying that this is the wrong move, but I think there’s a more effective way. To make a relationship work, they should always be engaging into new stuff that they haven’t done before or do not usually do (just to shake the ordinary routines). No matter how much effort you exert to spend more time with one another, if you are obviously bored with the company of one another… it’s just a daft useless effort.

I’m not married yet, but I’m happier compared to some married women who found themselves hitched with Casanovas and good for nothing assholes. I’m not married yet… but I don’t mind, cause I know it’s worth the wait.

Facing The Truth

2007-04-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I did wrong, or maybe this PC is just a piece of crap. I created two blogs, and I think they were merely put to waste. They never appeared in my dashboard. I was waiting for a fat chance that one day I will see them again, but I guess, there's a slim chance for that.

While waiting for them to appear, I discovered another blog site. For a day or two, I posted some of my blogs in Friendsters there, but, blogger is blogger. It's like the Friendster version of blogs.

Hence, here I am again, migrating my posts to another blog. I find the Ebloggy user-friendly, so I will not delete that account yet. I already lost some of my blogs. As expected, I will not be able to post them here anymore, because I have totally forgotten what they were all about. I have already started posting some of my poetries in the Ebloggy. Most of the poems that I posted there were the poems I submitted in filipinowriter.com. Alas, for some odd reason, the site is down, crippling me from doing any transfers. In time, I will also migrate them here.

Some of you might ask why lasuijurissprite? Why Sprite's Odyssey?

La Sui Juris Sprite is actually me! My real name is Frances Angela. Frances and Sui Juris have the same meaning... the same goes true with Sprite and Angela. Odyssey is the term used in one of the classic epics. It means journey. I'm quite a dramatic person, so I also like drama in the words I choose.

Hence, the birth of my new blogspot... lasuijurissprite entitled A Sprite's Odyssey.